STRENGTHS

"G'day Bear.  You are looking particularly elegant today.  What happened?"

"My master's son, Jimmy, came over to see me early this morning.  He knows I like to have my coat brushed so he did it for me.  It was lovely;  he has a nice touch.  And, what's with the G'day crap?  Are you feeling Australian?"

"I heard the expression in a movie we were watching the other night and I thought what a great word."

How so?" asked Bear.

"It's good for any time of the day, morning, noon or evening.  The perfect word wouldn't you say."

"Whatever," said Bear, and then "I find it a bit pretentious, so let's drop it, or at least don't use it on me."

"OK, oh word master," responded Bum. "Good morning, let's start again."

"Good morning, Bum, what's next on our editing job?"

"Strengths," said Bum.:

"The first point Paul made was that the notion of a relationship being struck up between a retired woman and a talking dog is an appealing one.  We fixed this bit, as I already told you, so don't go crazy about it."

"OK," said Bear, and he looked pleased for once.

"The second point is that Janey Lennox is a quirky and appealing character," Bum continued.

"Hmph, Bum, if you mean a person, like you, who picks ups butts on her walk with me each day to match the number of cigarettes she smoked with coffee before her walk, and has a drink of water from the small water bottle she carries, every time a car or truck drives by, then I guess your nephew got that quirky part right.  Appealing, maybe not so much."

Bum ignored his rather disparaging remarks and said, "You know I've started carrying my small water bottle on my resumed walks now, and yes I do take a swallow every time a vehicle goes by, and in addition, I take another swallow every twenty steps I take before I do about 5 shoulder lifts which seem to be helping me straighten my back somewhat."

"That's good, Bum, that you have taken over your own method of fixing your back and I see that it is working a bit, not perfect but a bit, and as I told you before, water is the source of life."

 "I know you said that, Bear, but you know I don't particularly like water; it is so tasteless.  And, I have never seen so many vehicles go by during my new walking regime.  I can hardly make one block before my little bottle of water is empty."

"That's good, again, Bum.  Bring a bigger bottle,"  said Bear.

"No," said Bum, and said no more on that boring subject.

"The third point Paul made under strengths is one you'll like.  He said Bear shows himself to be an interesting and unexpected companion and their relationship does deepen and become more caring."

"Interesting is good, Bum, but why does quirky sound more with it?  What the hell does quirky mean, anyway?"

"Most people think quirky is someone who is weird or peculiar, but it can be someone who is interesting and unique," said Bum.

Bear looked more annoyed than usual and said, "Paul gave me only one strength and that was interesting, and now you are trying to include it as part of the meaning of quirky."

"I googled the meaning of interesting because I just knew you would give me some grief about my being a fun-loving quirky type and you being only interesting.   For your edification, dear Bear, interesting is someone who keeps your attention because he/she is unusual, exciting, and has lots of ideas."

"Oh," said Bear, "then that's OK.  What's next on the list?"'

"Paul said there is some snappy and readable dialogue."

"That sounds pretty good.  We do walk and we do talk so maybe some is snappy and I hope readable. down the road.," said Bear.

"No argument from me," said Bum.

"Finally," said Bear.  "we agree on something.  Makes a nice change, doesn't it?  What's next for our  strengths?"

"This is the last one, Bear.  Paul said "there are a number of chuckle-inducing anecdotes,"  said Bum, and she smiled because this is one of her favourites.

"I hope I have one of the chuckle-inducing anecdotes, Bum, as you seem to be taking all the good strengths'" said Bear peevishly.

"As a matter of fact, Bear, the first one that comes to my mind is your fornicating story, so there," said Bum.

"I apologize, Bum, for jumping to an incorrect conclusion, or should that be assumption," said Bear, trying to placate Bum as best he could.

"May I say Bear how much I like that you apologize when required, so unlike many people who seem unable to do so, even when it is necessary..  You are a gentleman."

"Bum," said Bear, " I care deeply for you. as you do me, and I would never not feel sorry if I hurt you or made you feel I don't care for you.  I think this is mutual and it makes us such good friends and companions.  I love you."

Bear rested his head against Bum's knee and they sat there in companionable silence for awhile before Bum spoke.  "I guess that's where we get that snappy and readable dialogue  We both speak our minds and we know there is no malice behind it."

"So true, Bum," said Bear, "now give me my chuckle-inducing anecdote.  I've forgotten a lot of it but I do recall I was just a puppy living in a new house with my master.  He knew I was skittish and whiny so he let me sleep in his bed in the beginning.  He's a very nice, kind man.  Did I ever mention that to you?".

"Yes you did," answered Bum.  "I remember our conversation about whether he was fornicating when he was looking for a new wife.  He either divorced his first wife or she died, I cannot remember.  You said he tried out several women because he is a careful man, and then you confirmed that fornicating was the right word because it means two people who are not married to each other having consensual sexual intercourse.  If one of the two people are married, it is adultery."
 
"That's a lot of information, Bear, please continue."

"One night that stands out, I couldn't see what was happening as I was near the foot of the bed as usual.  It sounded like someone might be hurt. I got to my feet and moved ever so slowly up the bed.  There is some light seeping through the curtained window over the head of the bed.  There were arms and legs everywhere and I thought they had a friend over, a sick friend from the sounds."

"That's a good one, Bear.  Ha, ha, ha."

"Why are you interrupting the flow of my story, Bum?  You don't let me do that to you."

"I am so very sorry, Bear.  Please accept my apologies and please continue."

"OK, where was I?" said Bear.  "I'm moving up the bed and there are legs everywhere.  Suddenly, out of the gloom there is a bum, Bum."

"A bum bum?" said Bum.  "More than one?"

"A bum, comma Bum," and now Bear is looking annoyed.

"Oh, sorry again to interrupt. It was a surprise."
 . 
"Anyway, a bum rose up before me, dappled by the moon's rays.  It was my master's bum and it was all aquiver.  I was a pup, so I nipped."

"You nipped his bum?"said Bum in astonishment.

"Yes, and a great groan emanated from him, and I heard these words, OOH ARTOOOS before he collapsed flat out.  It was odd, because suddenly I was enfolded in loving arms, 4 of them I think, and it was lovely, my fur against hot skin.  I'd never felt so loved."

"That is such a great anecdote, Bear.  I too must've had a chuckle-inducing anecdote in that big book I wrote but for the life of me I cannot bring to mind, even one.  Maybe I'm tired or worse, losing my memory."

"What about that wet kiss one, Bum.  I found it quite amusing, as did your boyfriend, Gordon when you told him.."

"It happened many years ago when I worked as a stenographer at the Parliament Buildings in Toronto.  The department was called Public Works, I believe, and I worked for about eight men who travelled the Province to find and expropriate private properties for the government.  Neil Gillis was the boss and was considered quite a catch around the building."

"Did you catch him, Bum?"

"No," said Bum.

"Is he the wet kisser?" asked Bear.

"Yes," said Bum succinctly.  She really is overusing that word, as Bear already told her.

This is where Gordon interjected with "So, where did this infamous wet kiss occur?"

"Neil had a small staff gathering at his apartment.  I believe it was Christmas, and he kissed me, for Christmas I guess.  It was simply awful.  It was so wet, and I've never forgotten it."

"You seem to like the moist kisses I give you."

"I do, Gordon," I said.  "You know I do.  But, and this is a big but, there's moist and then there's a deluge."

"It sounds like a French kiss," murmured Gordon, trying not to laugh.

"He wasn't French, Gordon, "I think he was Welsh."

"That's funny, Bum," said Bear, "and isn't it funny that both of our chuckle-inducing anecdotes are about sex."

"Bear, if you can't have a bit of fun about sex, what else don't you have fun with.  What a bore a person like that is."

"That's not us, Bum," said Bear.

"No," said Bum, succinctly.















 



















 















   





 




















     







  











  














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